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Resilience & Equanimity

Our inner strength and emotional evenness
When we experience challenging situations at work we have choices: change the situation or change our response. Sometimes we can waste a lot of energy ranting and railing about something we aren’t going to be able to influence and a better option might be to focus on building acceptance.

The following strategies may help achieve this.

Self-Coaching Guide: Resilience & Equanimity at Work

I recover quickly from negative or stressful events and the difficult emotions that result from them
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Emotional Resilience: The ability to bounce back from adversity without being overly disrupted.
    • Stress Management: Effective stress management reduces the emotional toll of negative events.
    • Cognitive Reframing: Challenging unhelpful thoughts can improve emotional recovery.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • Describe what typically happens for you after you have experienced negative or stressful events. How would you like this to be different?
    • Is there anything you have tried that helps you bounce back more effectively? What are your emotional triggers?
    • What thoughts do you have when you are feeling upset that may be unhelpful or exacerbating the difficult emotions and stress? How might you challenge these thoughts?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Practice cognitive reframing to challenge unhelpful thoughts and develop a more balanced perspective.
    • Use distraction techniques to shift your focus away from negative emotions.
    • Reflect constructively on painful experiences to develop greater self-insight and accountability.
I feel depressed about work
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Mental Health: Distinguishing between feeling depressed and having depression is crucial for appropriate intervention.
    • Professional Help: Seeking professional help is essential if depression interferes with your ability to lead your life.
    • Activity and Engagement: Stimulating the brain and increasing activities can be more helpful than resting when dealing with depression.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • How do feelings of depression impact your work and overall wellbeing?
    • Do you experience symptoms such as fatigue, sadness, feelings of emptiness, or hopelessness?
    • How often do these feelings interfere with your daily life and work performance?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Seek professional help from a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health provider.
    • Engage in activities that stimulate the brain and increase engagement, even if you don’t feel like it.
    • Reflect on the difference between feeling depressed and having depression, and take appropriate steps to address your mental health.
While working, my emotions ‘get the better of me’
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Emotional Regulation: Managing emotions effectively is crucial for maintaining professional composure.
    • Cognitive Awareness: Recognizing internally generated hypothetical threats can help manage emotional responses.
    • Behavioral Strategies: Developing strategies to regulate emotions can improve workplace interactions.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • In what way do you feel your emotions get the better of you at work?
    • How long have you been experiencing this, and is it related to current life and work circumstances?
    • What are the triggers for your emotions and how do they manifest?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on the triggers for your emotions and develop strategies to manage them.
    • Practice cognitive awareness to recognize and address hypothetical threats.
    • Observe and learn from someone who manages their emotions effectively.
I doubt myself more than i probably should at work
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Self-Esteem: Building self-esteem independently of others’ approval is crucial for personal growth.
    • Self-Validation: Developing self-validation techniques can reduce reliance on external feedback.
    • Cognitive Reframing: Challenging self-doubt and reframing thoughts can improve confidence.
    • Imposter Syndrome: Imposter Syndrome involves feeling like a fraud despite evidence of competence. It can lead to chronic self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud. While a small amount of self-doubt can motivate improvement, excessive imposter syndrome can hinder performance and wellbeing.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • What is triggering your self-doubt? How much of this do you attribute to others?
    • What can you do to maintain your own self-esteem for yourself?
    • What do you think of your own performance and contribution? What insights, feedback, and endorsements do you get from others?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on the sources of your self-doubt and develop strategies to build self-esteem independently.
    • Practice self-validation techniques to reduce reliance on external feedback.
    • Challenge unhelpful thoughts and focus on your strengths and achievements.
I feel bad about things I’ve said or done in the work context
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Guilt and Shame: Managing feelings of guilt and shame is crucial for emotional health.
    • Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion can reduce the impact of negative emotions.
    • Conflict Resolution: Developing conflict resolution skills can prevent future negative interactions.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • Is this a general and recurring issue, or something more specific and isolated that you feel bad about? What sorts of bad feelings? What thoughts do you have about this? What are you saying to yourself?
    • Aren’t you being a bit harsh on yourself? What would you say to a friend who is feeling like you?
    • What can you say or do to recover the situation/relationship? How can you constructively make amends or alleviate the distress?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on the specific instances that make you feel bad and develop strategies to address them.
    • Practice self-compassion and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns.
    • Develop conflict resolution skills to prevent future negative interactions.
I make an effort to change the aspects of my thoughts, feelings, or behaviours that are unhelpful
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Cognitive Awareness: Recognising that thoughts and feelings are impermanent can help manage stress and negative emotions.
    • Self-Compassion: Being kinder to yourself can improve emotional health and resilience.
    • Behavioural Change: Identifying and modifying unhelpful thoughts, feelings, and behaviours can enhance wellbeing.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • What sorts of thoughts, feelings, or behaviours can you identify for yourself that may be unhelpful or detract from your wellbeing?
    • If you listened to your inner critic, what nasty things does it say to you?
    • How might you challenge or modify these thoughts and stop (disrupt) your unwanted behaviours? What would you say or do if you were being kinder to yourself?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Recognize your thoughts and challenge them, modifying them to be more self-compassionate.
    • Practice new, positive thoughts and behaviours to replace unhelpful ones.
    • Reflect on the impermanence of thoughts and feelings to reduce their impact on your wellbeing.

 

I feel stressed or anxious about work
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Stress Management: Understanding that most stress is internally generated can help manage it more effectively.
    • Mindfulness: Staying present and avoiding preoccupation with the past or future can reduce stress levels.
    • Anxiety Management: Recognizing and addressing symptoms of anxiety can improve overall wellbeing.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • How much of the time do you feel stressed or anxious about work? To what extent is it generalised or specific?
    • How does your anxiety manifest itself?
    • What are your fears and how likely are they to be realised? How can you cope if they do come true?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Practice mindfulness to stay present and reduce stress.
    • Use realistic calculations to assess the likelihood of your fears being realised and your ability to cope.
    • Set aside scheduled “Worry Time” to compartmentalise anxiety and focus on problem-solving.
How I have been treated at work in the past is still an issue for me today
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Emotional Processing: Addressing past treatment can help resolve lingering emotional issues.
    • Communication Skills: Developing skills to express needs and concerns can improve workplace interactions.
    • Conflict Resolution: Addressing past issues can prevent them from impacting current wellbeing.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • In what way does past treatment at work still affect you today?
    • Have you voiced your disappointment or concerns? What’s the worst that could happen if you did?
    • How can you express your needs and concerns persuasively and assertively?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on past treatment and its impact on your current wellbeing.
    • Develop communication skills to express your needs and concerns effectively.
    • Consider gradual exposure to expressing your needs and wants to build confidence.
I think about my intentions and how i want to ‘show up’ each day when starting work
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Presence: Being fully present enhances your effectiveness and interactions at work.
    • Intentionality: Setting intentions for how you want to show up can improve your mindset and behavior.
    • Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay focused and present.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • How do you want to ‘show up’ each day at work? What intentions do you set for yourself?
    • How can you signpost your intentions to others?
    • What can you do to be less preoccupied with past events and more focused on the present?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on your intentions and how you want to show up each day at work.
    • Practice mindfulness to stay present and focused.
    • Communicate your intentions to others to create a positive work environment.
In a fast-paced work environment, I am able to cultivate a sense of ‘inner calm’
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Stress Response: Recognizing and managing the ‘fight or flight’ response is crucial for maintaining inner calm.
    • Emotional Regulation: Developing skills to slow down the brain and body helps regulate emotions and reduce anxiety.
    • Cognitive Function: Inner calm improves concentration, decision-making, and overall cognitive function.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • How do you generally feel in a fast-paced work environment? What is effective in helping you relax and feel calm inside?
    • What have you tried already to cultivate inner calm? What has worked and what hasn’t?
    • Do any of the following strategies appeal to you: controlled breathing, meditation, mindfulness, challenging unhelpful beliefs, or ‘acting as if’ you are relaxed and confident?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Set aside regular time to practice skills such as controlled breathing, meditation, and mindfulness.
    • Challenge unhelpful beliefs and practice cognitive reframing to develop a more balanced perspective.
    • Act ‘as if’ you are relaxed and confident to help shift your mindset and behaviour.
    • Reflect on what helps you relax and incorporate these practices into your daily routine.
Uncertainty about my role and responsibilities is a source of concern to me
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Clarity and Confidence: Obtaining clarity about your role and responsibilities can reduce anxiety and increase confidence.
    • Cognitive Flexibility: Developing flexibility and willingness to adapt to changes can enhance resilience.
    • Problem-Solving: Addressing underlying beliefs and assumptions can help manage uncertainty and improve problem-solving skills.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • What are you afraid might happen due to uncertainty about your role and responsibilities? How likely is this?
    • To what extent do you think you will be able to cope/manage if that does occur? What would you do?
    • What underlying beliefs and assumptions are you making? How realistic or helpful are these? How might you modify them?
    • What steps can you undertake to obtain more clarity about your situation? If this is not possible, what can you do to alleviate your worry?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on your fears and assess their likelihood and your ability to cope.
    • Challenge and modify any unrealistic or unhelpful beliefs and assumptions.
    • Take proactive steps to obtain more clarity about your role and responsibilities.
    • Develop flexibility and willingness to adapt to changes, supported by a belief in your ability to cope and thrive.

Self-Coaching Guide: Resilience & Equanimity at Home

I balance my own needs with the emotional needs of others
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Emotional Balance: Balancing your own needs with the needs of others is crucial for emotional health and relationship quality.
    • Self-Respect: Prioritizing your own needs can prevent feelings of resentment and burnout.
    • Healthy Relationships: Ensuring that both your needs and the needs of others are met fosters healthier, more respectful relationships.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • Whose needs are most likely to be overlooked—yours or others’? How does this make you feel? What is the likely long-term impact?
    • What assumptions or beliefs underlie your response? How might you challenge or modify these to adopt a healthier, more self-respecting position?
    • If you tend to prioritize others’ needs over your own, what steps can you take to ensure your needs are also met?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on the balance between your needs and the needs of others. Identify any patterns of neglecting your own needs.
    • Challenge any unhelpful beliefs that lead you to prioritize others’ needs at the expense of your own.
    • Develop strategies to ensure your needs are met, such as setting boundaries and practicing self-care.
I feel depressed about my personal life
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Mental Health: Distinguishing between feeling depressed and having depression is crucial for appropriate intervention.
    • Professional Help: Seeking professional help is essential if depression interferes with your ability to lead your life.
    • Activity and Engagement: Stimulating the brain and increasing activities can be more helpful than resting when dealing with depression.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • How do feelings of depression impact your personal life and overall wellbeing?
    • Do you experience symptoms such as fatigue, sadness, feelings of emptiness, or hopelessness?
    • How often do these feelings interfere with your daily life and personal relationships?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Seek professional help from a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health provider.
    • Engage in activities that stimulate the brain and increase engagement, even if you don’t feel like it.
    • Reflect on the difference between feeling depressed and having depression, and take appropriate steps to address your mental health.
I express my emotions constructively to my family and friends
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Emotional Intelligence: Recognizing and regulating emotions is key to emotional intelligence.
    • Constructive Communication: Expressing emotions constructively can improve relationships and resolve conflicts.
    • Emotional Health: Being able to talk about how you feel is essential for maintaining emotional health.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • What sorts of emotions were you thinking of when you answered this question? What happens for you with these?
    • What sorts of physical reactions do you tend to experience, and in what way do you tend to react that doesn’t feel constructive to you?
    • What could you do in the future to be more constructive in the way you express your emotions?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Practice recognizing and labeling your emotions accurately.
    • Use the formula ‘When XYZ happens, I feel ABC and the result is that MNOP’ to express your emotions constructively.
    • Develop strategies to regulate your emotions and communicate them effectively.
I feel uptight or ‘on edge’
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Stress Management: Managing stress and anxiety is crucial for emotional health.
    • Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help reduce feelings of being uptight or on edge.
    • Self-Compassion: Being kind to yourself can help manage self-inflicted pressure.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • What prompts this feeling for you? What makes it worse? What lessens it?
    • What alternatives are there for how you manage these situations?
    • How much of your stress is self-inflicted? How can you reduce this pressure?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Practice mindfulness and meditation to manage stress and reduce feelings of being uptight.
    • Reflect on your expectations and reduce self-inflicted pressure by setting realistic goals.
    • Develop strategies to manage stress, such as controlled breathing and relaxation techniques.
Home is a place where I feel at ease
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Emotional Safety: Feeling at ease at home is crucial for emotional safety and wellbeing.
    • Relationship Quality: Positive interactions with family members can enhance the atmosphere at home.
    • Stress Relief: A supportive home environment can help you recharge and manage stress.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • What might help reset the atmosphere at home? What can be done to help you and your family be loving, kind, accepting, respectful, and supportive with one another?
    • How do the expectations or judgments of those you live with affect your sense of ease at home?
    • What steps can you take to create a more supportive and positive home environment?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on the atmosphere at home and identify areas for improvement.
    • Communicate openly with family members about creating a supportive and positive environment.
    • Develop strategies to enhance the atmosphere at home, such as setting boundaries and practicing kindness and respect.
I feel guilty or sad about not devoting more attention to my responsibilities outside of work
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Parental and Caregiver Guilt: Feelings of guilt about not meeting responsibilities can be common among parents and caregivers.
    • Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion can help reframe unrealistic expectations and reduce feelings of guilt.
    • Communication: Open communication with loved ones can provide support and alleviate feelings of guilt.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • What responsibilities outside of work do you feel guilty or sad about neglecting? How does this make you feel?
    • Have you talked about this with other important people in your life, such as your partner? What other sources of support might be open to you to alleviate some of these feelings of guilt or sadness?
    • What benefits might there be from the current status quo, even if it feels intractable?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on the specific responsibilities that cause you guilt and explore ways to address them.
    • Communicate openly with loved ones about your feelings and seek their support.
    • Reframe your expectations and practice self-compassion to reduce feelings of guilt.
I feel worried or anxious even when i am not working
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Stress and Anxiety: Understanding that stress and anxiety are often internally generated can help manage them more effectively.
    • Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help reduce anxiety by keeping you present in the moment.
    • Cognitive Awareness: Recognizing and challenging unhelpful thoughts can reduce anxiety.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • Can you identify the thoughts that are giving rise to feelings of worry or anxiety? What can you do to interrupt, stop, or replace these thoughts?
    • How can you bring awareness to internally generated hypothetical threats and recognize them as transient events in the mind?
    • What beliefs might be behind your reactions? How can you challenge these beliefs?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Practice deep ‘belly’ breathing and relaxation techniques to manage anxiety.
    • Reflect on and challenge unhelpful thoughts that contribute to anxiety.
    • Develop mindfulness practices to stay present and reduce worry.
I spend too much time dwelling on the negatives in my life
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Positive Psychology: Focusing on positive experiences can improve overall wellbeing.
    • Mindfulness: Staying present can reduce dwelling on past negatives or future worries.
    • Gratitude: Practicing gratitude can shift focus from negatives to positives.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • If you were forced to look at what is going well in your life, what would you say? What might other people point to about you or the life you are leading?
    • How would it be if you were able to focus 100% of your mind on what is happening solely in this present minute?
    • Can you pick out a positive from each experience or each day, starting with today and keeping this practice going for 3 weeks?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Practice ‘Taking In The Good’ (TITG) by focusing on positive experiences and letting them become positive memories.
    • Identify “3 good things” from every day that you are grateful for and reflect on them.
    • Use positive experiences as antidotes to soothe and replace negative thoughts.
I’m happy with who I have turned out to be
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Self-Worth: Developing a positive sense of self-worth is crucial for emotional health.
    • Self-Compassion: Being kind to yourself can improve self-esteem and reduce self-criticism.
    • Realistic Expectations: Setting realistic expectations for yourself can enhance self-acceptance.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • To what extent might you be being overly harsh or unkind towards yourself? To whom are you comparing yourself?
    • What character, skill, or experience strengths and achievements can you recognise in yourself?
    • How might adopting the concept of ‘Good Enough’ as an alternative to perfection help you?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on your strengths and achievements and practice self-compassion.
    • Challenge unhelpful or unrealistic expectations of yourself and set kinder, more realistic goals.
    • Consider adopting the concept of ‘Good Enough’ to reduce perfectionism and enhance self-acceptance.
I avoid dealing with the big problems in my life
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Existential Anxiety: Avoiding big issues can lead to feelings of existential angst and detract from wellbeing.
    • Emotional Processing: Facing and addressing big problems can alleviate feelings of dread and improve emotional health.
    • Problem-Solving: Developing problem-solving skills can help manage and resolve big issues.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • Are there specific issues or challenges you are aware you are avoiding, or is it more of a general reluctance to think deeply about what matters most in life? Why do you think you are putting them off?
    • What is the likely impact of continuing to avoid facing these issues?
    • Do you have a preferred approach to problem-solving? Is there a framework or method you have used in the past that may work for you here?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on the specific issues you are avoiding and develop a plan to address them.
    • Use a structured problem-solving approach to break down and tackle big problems.
    • Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help navigate and resolve these challenges.
I worry about my finances
  • Relevance to Wellbeing:
    • Financial Security: Understanding the threshold level of financial security that contributes to happiness can help manage financial worries.
    • Materialism: Recognizing the limits of materialism and consumerism can reduce financial stress.
    • Financial Planning: Developing a financial plan can provide clarity and reduce anxiety about finances.
  • Reflective Prompts:
    • What is creating the pressure regarding your finances? What is your standard of living like?
    • Are you open to revising your aspirations—what is really important to you? How much is ‘enough’?
    • How might past experiences or a general tendency to worry be influencing your financial concerns?
  • Action Strategies:
    • Reflect on your financial situation and identify the sources of pressure.
    • Consider revising your financial aspirations and focusing on what is truly important to you.
    • Seek financial planning assistance to develop a clear plan and reduce financial anxiety.

Wellbeing Strategies and Actions

Wellbeing Tips for Resilience & Equanimity - Working Well

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Wellbeing Tips for Resilience & Equanimity - Living Well

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Tip:

Careful review of the other domains is needed before interpreting this section – consider the impact of ‘poor’ Vitality & Energy or Balance & Boundaries on general levels of anxiety, resilience and the ability to regulate emotions. In other words, without the right foundations of sleep, rest, nutrition and exercise it is quite likely that Resilience & Equanimity will suffer to some degree.

This comparison can help you to differentiate between temporary states of low Resilience & Equanimity due to other factors and a longer-term predisposition towards anxiety, instability, and low emotional control. In either case, the strategies above may assist, as well as coaching points for Vitality & Energy and Balance & Boundaries.